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BECOZZLY

Susan Smith Nash

 

 

I won’t tell you why

Brown wrappers slapped prancing over sticky who-done-its

I’m whatever you want me to be – morning trotterish vox-monster

I’m going to tell you “gonna” coz I’m like a language-lounger learning

All the zooms and whirls for the first time (you fascinate me like that)

And, yes, you may sit down and smile if you wish

We’re saddened by being so close and yet so far far far away

Rain pelts, water swishishly close, memory digs its knife in deep

Tears don’t know they aren’t supposed to wear their anti-gravity boots

Clog up my eyes and refuse to flow down my cheeks

I’m just so sad

It’s remembering that makes me cry

And yet I’ll never be able to tell you or those dratted neighbors

I just can’t let it go; even though the longing makes me swizzly with pain

Even though this is nature, after all, and people do have to grow up some day

I see why dependency is so desirable

Just not letting go

Ever

Ever

Ever

Here we are, so sottishly emotional again – sand squeezes me

Beyond even what I sense I’m terribly fraught

With whatever you have for me – and I regret

The pain is harsh like that

Attachment is probably what it is; I need to understand my own mind

Harpooning the object I crave for making me whole

Even though everyone knows

If you harpoon a guy, he will probably bleed

Not appreciate it one little whit

Oh yeah

Yaha yeah aha yah yeah

Causalities’ slipperies – oh so sweet  (on paper)

Coz we’re in and on the same existential plane called shame or something like it

This is life I guess.

Too bad it is so grizzly-rough and clawzer’d

Scratch it too many times & it gets infected.

 

Norman, Oklahoma

September 6, 2003